In Need of a Recharge

You know those times when you feel totally and utterly drained?  You’re running on fumes… Your battery is down to it’s last bar…  You are mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted…

I have been feeling like that a lot lately.  I just want to give up.  But then I get to chat with a friend or spend some time with my husband or go to the store without the kids.  These things give me a bit of a recharge.  Sometimes, though, it is JUST enough to get me through the rest of the day.  Then I have to start over the next day…

When I wake up feeling like this, it’s a huge feat just to get out of bed, let alone getting to all the responsibilities I have to tend to.  Throw in all the things I WANT to get done in a day and all the things I would LIKE to do for others and it’s no wonder I feel hopeless at times. 

So how do you recharge when you’re feeling so down and empty and hopeless?  This question has caused me to reflect lately on my personality and what fills me up.  If you’ve never heard of love languages I would definitely suggest looking them up.  My primary love language is quality time.  I thrive on spending time with friends and family.  I am recharged when I have someone’s undivided attention.  I feel loved and cared for when friends visit or call or text or send me a message and ask how I’m doing and then respond with care when I answer.  I will always answer with the truth.  That’s just what I’m like.  I’m not good at saying, “I’m fine” when I’m really not.  Healing and refreshing comes to me when I am able to share my thoughts and talk through my emotions and struggles.  But there needs to be a genuine listening ear on the other end.  If not, it will have the opposite effect…

The other factor, I think, is that I’m an extrovert.  To the max.  Whereas an introvert may find times of solitude refreshing and rejuvenating (although there is the risk of too much isolation for an introvert), I find too much solitude fuels the depression I have been feeling.  I get lonely.  I get antsy.  I get anxious.  I need to reach out and talk to someone.  Anyone.  I’m the type of person who will strike up a conversation with the person in line behind me at the supermarket if we’ve been waiting too long.  I talk to the mom sitting next to me at my daughter’s swimming lesson.   I spill my guts to the pharmacist while picking up a late night prescription. 

I like to be busy.  I like to have things planned.  I like getting out of the house every day.  I love spending time with my children but I also need to have some adult conversation.  I need to get away from the daily grind of housework and dirty diapers and cooking… I need to talk to people who understand. 

Lately though, I have felt too busy.  I’ve been overwhelmed with all that needs to be done at home.  So I have scaled back on my commitments and plans.  A lot.  I haven’t been to playgroup in three weeks.  I’m trying to find balance.  It has been so difficult.  I know I need to build some solitude into my day.  I know I need to spend more time with the Lord.  But I struggle with that too.  Sometimes, especially during these “low” times, I need “Jesus with skin on”.  I need people.  I also need to not feel so busy and overwhelmed.  So where is the balance?  I have no idea.

I’m not sure, but I think maybe friends don’t often worry about me because I’m so good at reaching out.  I always call.  I always text.  I always invite.  But I’m getting tired.  I hate to admit it but I’m in a season of need rather than give.  I want to give.  I want to serve.  I want to reach out.  But I’m so empty at the moment that it takes everything out of me to do it.  When my counselor suggested that I stop having people over unless they can bring lunch, I drew back in horror.  Are you kidding?!  My M.O. has always been to cook and bake and love on people in that way. I love serving people.  I love baking and allowing my friends to enjoy a warm piece of banana bread.  That in itself is a feel-good activity for me.  I had a hard enough time accepting meals and help when my infant daughter was sick!  Now I have to tell people to bring lunch if they visit?!  No way!  To be brutally honest, a little part of me worries that friends may not want to come if there are “conditions”.  That’s totally my insecurity speaking… the fear that no one cares beyond what I do for them.  I know it’s not true but in my loneliness, those are the thoughts that come to mind.  

I just wish I wasn’t feeling this way… So I will continue to search for balance.  Rest.  Rejuvination.  And I’ll continue to survive.  That’s what moms do, don’t they?  They survive.  I’m hoping I can more than just survive though.  I’d like to thrive.  I know God wants that for me.  I'm very excited to be going away overnight next weekend with a friend to a Women's conference.  I'm sure I'll find some answers there.  At the very least, it will be the time of refreshing I have been needing.  I just need to hang on another three days...

What about you?  How do you recharge?  Have you found that balance?  What is your primary love language?  Are you in extrovert like me?  Or an introvert?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.